A Gift to God

 "Give God your nothingness." This was what I heard when I listened to a new favorite podcast from Edward Sri. He was talking about St. Therese of Lisieux and her spirituality. When she wasn't feeling consolations or warm feelings in her prayer, she would thank God for that. He says that St. Therese wanted to unite herself more to Jesus in her 'nothingness' when she didn't feel anything spectacular in her life, in her spiritual life, she would give it to him. St. Mother Theresa said the same, as she had many years dry and dark night of the soul, emulating St. Therese to give it to God and don't let it go to waste, since it is a gift. 

I hadn't fully heard of that before, as a gift, or even as a way to thank God for that. I understood to give God your wounds, loneliness, or just the hard parts or mundane of how our days can feel sometimes. But to give God our nothingness and continue to unite ourselves with Him was a bit of a new concept in the spiritual life. I was feeling that nothingness recently, even yesterday. After feeling sick and a fever lingering, I felt like I didn't have much to give, not enough inspiration (again) or energy, or variety for that matter. 

Resting was good, but I wanted to get better and be more productive and live a bit more normal routine again. I was starting to appreciate all that I do have, in my schedule and the variety, even if simply driving somewhere, going for a walk, or praying in the church, how much I missed these simple, daily, yet treasured things!

Listening to Edward Sri's podcast was what I needed to hear in those moments and see the ordinary as spiritual opportunities. To think about things differently. Even if I still had fever like symptoms, I could see the hard parts of being sick, low energy, being more confined, and not fully feeling like myself as a sacrifice and way to unite more closely to the cross and to give God this nothingness. There was beauty in that, and how much I can learn from these saints.