Focusing On

 Going to the library on my lunch break was so nice. The last full day before break, everyone is feeling so ready for a breath from routine, different scenery. My short time at the library felt like a dose of inspiration being poured out, picking up books as well as browsing and seeing what else I find. Being immersed among the book aisles, something spoke up creativity and anticipation to spend more time here, more time with these books during my break. 

One of the books I picked up was from one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen. I started reading and it was interesting to notice the various components from his other books depicted as certain topics and sections. Basically, it's a compilation of his other works. 

As I was resting after work, I looked up at my closet shelves with my various notebooks. One of them I felt like I should pick up and look through, forgetting what sort of notes I wrote in it. I was reading through various notes from books and other resources I had written down. And then I came across the marker on the page and read it. It happened to be the same quote I had just recently written down from Nouwen's book. I hadn't remembered that I had read or looked through this book before, but it struck me that I felt compelled to write down the same quote back in 2018. 

"We are called to convert our loneliness into solitude. We are called to experience our aloneness not as a wound but as a gift- as God's gift- so that in our aloneness we might discover how deeply we are loved by God" (The Only Necessary Thing).

 These words ring true, so beautiful and profound, perhaps that's why I had written it down again a few years later. Here's another one good one. 

"It is precisely where we are most alone, most unique, most ourselves, that God is closest to us. That is where we experience God as the divine, loving Father, who knows us better than we ourselves know ourselves."

Somehow the weather today- its dreariness, the elephant like clouds (in color and size) and drops of rain gave me that wonder of inspiration. I actually don't credit the weather. I go back to the early morning when my first waking hours were at Mass and adoration. That's what makes my day better, it's how I start it and what I focus on. Do I complain and concentrate on the lack of activity, busyness, etc.? Or do I recall the special moments, like connecting with a student about books and suggesting some good and classic books that he may like. 

Maybe I don't realize the impact I have, the example, or any possible way I can make a difference. That's ok if there's not much to do, learn, delve into. Something is still happening, and its this very moment, this experience, this breath, this thinking. A rain drop has a vast amount of atoms, water, capacity to give to the earth to drink, this time, this moment does as well.

It reminds me of a year ago. I was so beyond ready to take a break from routine and schedule and just getaway to new scenery. The break with my parents and sweet sister to the central coast and missions was the perfect opportunity, and such a beautiful and inspirational trip; I can still remember a lot of the details. Coming back felt better than prior to leaving. I felt refreshed, inspired, rejuvenated. 

Those weeks after weren't always fully easy though, they were actually quite difficult, but in my mind I have some fond memories because I was still trying to make things enjoyable, light and creative. Striving, attempting is part of the process, and my perspective has its own gems to it now. 

Ocean view in Central Coast, Spring 2021