I used to think of the time when I would be free to go to cafes more often and get out of the exhausting rhythm of full-time work and being in a classroom with loud students and an exhausting teacher.
Rather, when I entered into that 'slow' rhythm and more open time, it wasn't what I thought. I thought I would always be inspired and get some much more work done. It was quite the contrary.
Though the days were more open without that work schedule, my mind felt cluttered, chaotic, tense. It was wrapped around my limited internship schedule that consumed my thoughts each week, and dare to say, took over my mental inspiration and peace.
Gone were the days of thinking that it would be 'better'. When instead, I missed so much my former schedule and routine, it hurt.
A few months later, I was back to thinking to square one, and also just processing the entirety of the semester. I woke up really early in the middle of December to attend a Pilipino traditional Mass a number of days before Christmas. Afterwards, with the whole morning free, decided to go to a cafe and just study some language, breath and look up some more information on my master's program and field of study.
It was still the beginning of dwelling into that break time, with everything unexpected, exhausting and just rekindling where I was at in that moment. I was looking forward to a new year ahead and new possibilities! With time, I knew I would refocus again on my last semester of classes and find something that was fulfilling in my schedule.
Enjoyed reading this sis. It's similar that saying - the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes its the combo of commitments and leisure that make things work.
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