As I was perusing through my old notebook, I realized there was so much varied content written. It went back to undergrad classes of cultural anthropology and economic geography notes and assignments. It later became a helpful tool for CBEST notes and now German notes. But I hadn't touched German since sometime in 2021. Oh, the ebbs and flows of learning, education and language!
As I was sipping my coffee (probably should have gotten a cold drink on a hot day), I couldn't enter into my Library Science studies nearly as deeply or intentionally. Maybe it was the feeling of over burnt out, mental exhaustion or just normal discouragement that seems to come my way and whisper in my ear.
I don't know how I've been studying this for so long, and just all the twists, turns and overall journey it has been has left me in some ways out of breath. It wasn't what I expected but then again, I didn't really have any expectations besides idealistic endeavors. (If that counts)
I feel I have a love hate relationship with it all. I enjoy studying, learning and even being challenged- especially in this program, I have. But when it all feels too much at times and I get overly caught up in the future, the bigger picture that I just don't seem ready for, I shrivel up and I want to throw in the towel.
But then, I'm still here and still in the thick of it, and I have to keep going! There is only so much time left, and I know I will look back on it and myself prouder than of myself than I am right now, hopefully. And I also hope and know nothing is lost or wasted. I need to keep on trusting and praying that God has a plan and St. Joseph will continue to guide me. I've come this far, and I guess that means I've been doing something right.
It's a special time and I also want to see the beauty, joy and uniqueness all around me in this particular season that will speed right across from me after one too many blinks of an eye. There is purpose right now, even when it's hard, painful or frustrating and stressful. I just need to take a deep breath and also when I can, continue with my language studies. Who knows where that will lead? But I know after this is all over, perhaps I will be thinking of the next personal challenge to continue stay inspired but also interested and invested in.
I think what you write - the love/hate, throw in the towel, enjoying but also wanting some distance, is very relatable when it comes to in-depth studying. You have made it so far and there is a lot to be proud of!! So exciting as you near the end of this chapter!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much sis!! Your words are encouraging
DeleteThis is an accomplishment to have gotten this far, and that type of exhaustion is very much a part of the process. You aren't far away from completing this milestone!!!! Xo susie
ReplyDeleteThank you Susie!! Yes, very true! It will be soo good and surreal to be done
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